News of the San Gabriel Valley since 1966.

How The Blogger Stole Football

Joe Torosian

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Every Fan Down in M-Town Liked Football a lot…
But the Blogger, who lived just north of M-Town, most certainly did not!
The Blogger hated Football! The whole Football season!
Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be his team didn’t beat St. Francis just right.
It could be, perhaps, his defense took San Marino too light.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been his internet connection was two sizes too small.
Staring down from his cave with a sour, Blogger frown,
at the warm lighted windows below in M-Town.
For he knew every Wildcat down in M-Town beneath,
was seeking to hang a third championship wreath.
“And they’re buying their tickets!” He snarled with a sneer.
“Tonight is the title game. It’s practically here!”
Then he plowed on his keyboard, Blogger fingers nervously drumming,
“I MUST find some way to stop this title from coming!”
For tomorrow Coach Maddox would have Paraclete singing the blues,
M-Towners would wake early to read the Mid Valley News!
They would read how the Wildcats, young and bold, would feast and feast.
They would feast on the Clete’s Tyler Carvalho, and the Antoyne Hutcherson rushing beast.
The thought of…The Blogger couldn’t stand in the least!
And THEN they’d do something the Blogger liked least of all!
Every Wildcat down in M-Town, the tall and the small,
would stand close together, and sing the alma mater for all.
And the more the Blogger thought of seeing another Wildcat title ring,
the more the Blogger thought, “I must stop this whole thing!”
“Why, since 1935 I’ve prevented it nine times before now!”
“I must stop this title from coming! But how?”
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
The Blogger got a wonderful, awful idea!
“I know just what to do!” The Blogger laughed in his throat. “I’ll write a few words and sink this green boat.”
“I’ll speak ill of Mike Minter, call Ryan Maddox a lout,
come down on Brett Walsh, and negative about GeVontray Ainsworth I’ll spout.”
Then with a nasty smile and a maniacal grin…
“Tales of Mason Bryant being too small I’ll spin.”
Then to the web his grubby fingers flew
to the Star, the Trib, and the Mid Valley too!
He loaded some garbage about the defense not getting enough sacks.
He slammed them all with vicious attacks, from one site to the next before making quick tracks.
The Blogger was jealous, he hated them all.
From Old Town in M-Town, to the Santa Anita Mall.
His anger and his venom through his keyboard he thrust.
“Stop them, stop them!” He knew, he must.
“The Wildcats cannot throw the ball, the Wildcats cannot run!”
Like a bad sportswriter, he used every kind of cliched pun.
On and on he blogged and ranted.
He ripped Coach Garrison and talked about Darione Jones getting planted.
When game time came from his cave he slid,
and up in the rafters of the Monrovia Stadium he hid.
He slithered and slunk, as he prayed for the Refs, with a smile most unpleasant,
hoping they’d deliver the Cats yellow clothed presents.
The anthem was sang, the kick off had come,
the runner got banged, the Blogger stayed mum.
But the fans they cheered as the players went up and down.
The Refs they jeered with every sad frown.
The Blogger delighted when Blake Heyworth would slip,
he howled with excitement when Chris Campbell’s shoulder would dip.
Tackles! Backles! Smashes and trips!
Bruises! And hackles! And all kinds of fat lips!
In the fourth quarter, with no score, there was a pick by Craft.
They gave it to Ainsworth…and SUDDENLY he was gone like a draft!
Through a hole opened no bigger than an inch,
GeVontray burst through, making it look like a cinch.
The Blogger’s hopes unraveled and down went his head,
when Ainsworth crossed paydirt, his dreams were dead.
Eruption came from the Wildcats along with hysteria.
Ainsworth was mobbed by Miravet, Cano, and Alejandro Vega.
Potts, Bryant, and George Frazier they danced.
The song girls tumbled and twirled in a strange, but happy prance.
Thorn, Haney, and David Gallegos embraced by lot.
The cheerleaders circled in a victory trot.
But did the Blogger like this? He most certainly did not.
His web frothing and bad mouthing had not turned the trick.
A new feeling formed inside and he felt kind of sick.
He stared at the faithful of M-Town with a pain not so much the same…
What he had prevented so many times before for a third time had came.
And the Blogger, his feet freezing in the cold,
stood puzzling and puzzling: “How will this story be told?”
“It came without anger! It came without fears!”
“It came without bitterness, envy, or tears!”
And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Blogger thought of something he hadn’t before!
“Maybe Football,” he thought. “Doesn’t live on the web.”
“Maybe Football…perhaps…should just be enjoyed instead.”
And what happened then? Well…in M-Town they say,
the Blogger raced home and gave the Wildcats praise that day.
When the city celebrated, through sun created shards of shade,
it was the Blogger, the Blogger himself, who led the green parade!
Welcome football. Bring your cheer,
To the those who love it, far and near.
Championship Day is for us to grasp
So long as we have hands to grasp.
Football will always be
Just as long as we have we.
Welcome football while we stand
Heart to heart and hand in hand.

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News of the San Gabriel Valley since 1966.
How The Blogger Stole Football